Fantastic Headlines 37-40

Here is the latest batch of Fantastic Headlines. Suggestions are coming in thick and fast now. Thanks to everyone who keeps sending them in. I like to think of it as Paperback Rioter’s contribution to The Big Society.

The first one I found on the Daily Express website. It’s about an ongoing court case that I’m not even going to try and summarise in a sentence:

Swingers’  club link to ‘firebug police love rat’

A “firebug police love rat” is surely not a description of a person, but four random nouns put next to each other. If you want to know what one is, you’ll have to read the article.

The next headline comes courtesy of Selina, and helps answer that often-posted conundrum: what happens if you’re walking in a forest and you’re attacked by a pack of wolves, and all you have to help you is some heavy-metal music?

Creed Song Saves Norwegian Boy From Wolves

The previous Fantastic Headlines on animal stories has prompted a couple of headlines. As ever, RedheadFashionista knows a fantastic headline when she sees one. The story itself is a quite serious one: the use of animals in cosmetic experiments, which is an issue that needs to be taken seriously. It’s hard to do that, however, with headlines like:

Why mice are being gassed so YOU can look younger

The Daily Mail is bringing attention to mice that are being gassed and having their backs broken in the name of cosmetics. Nice to see them standing up for animal rights, although by the sounds of “Now even spiders, squid and lobsters could have rights” and previously equating the concept of animal rights to “nonsense upon stilts”, this is a bit of a late conversion.

Lastly, this headline comes courtesy of Charlie, and it’s another animal story:

Live chicken thrown at KFC staff in Nuneaton

You’ll be pleased to know that although the chicken was a bit distressed, it didn’t suffer any harm.

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