A bumper edition of the Fantastic Headlines series today. We have five of the cheeky beggars, and what’s more, they all involve animal stories. Harold Evans, when he was editor of the Sunday Times, said that “News is people.” Here are some examples of news stories that challenge that assertion.
24) Another often-used quote about the nature of news is that “Dog bites man” isn’t news, but “Man bites dog” is. By the same token, “Man shoots fox” isn’t a story but…
Fox shoots man
25) You would have thought that the German government had better things to do in 1941 than investigate whether Hitler was being mocked by a performing dog. Apparently not though, judging by this from the Jewish Chronicle:
“Hitler” the insubordinate Nazi-saluting dog
What’s even stranger is that there are more recent cases of dogs being trained to make Nazi salutes.
In 2007 a German pensioner was jailed for five months for teaching his dog called, er, Adolf (they are all given such imaginative names) to make a Nazi salute.
26) Let’s face it: willies make good headline material. Call me immature, but the chances are you’re going to chuckle at a headline which has “penis” in it. Add in the fact that there’s litigation and a hungry rat involved, and you have the gem of a story. This next headline is a classic example of the school of thought that says you should just pile every random fact into the headline and implore the reader to read more:
Judge rules inmate ‘bitten on penis by rodent’ may sue
You’ll be grateful to know I haven’t got a picture for this one.
27) We end this bumper edition of animal headlines with two examples from the Metro. For Paperback Rioter’s overseas readers
all 4 of you,the Metro is a free paper given out to commuters on trains, buses etc. Its soul purpose is to print nonsense headlines to brighten up the terrible journeys of commuters, but I found these two wonderful headlines and couldn’t resist. First, is this:
Olly the stray cat bombarded with postcards by admirer
Well, who hasn’t had a
stalker secret admirer sending postcards from all around the world? I demand to know who the anonymous postcard-writer is!
”We suspect it could be someone who has visited one of the companies with an office in Olympic House, although with 19 million passengers a year and 20,000 people working on site, I suspect we’ll never find out.”
28) Lastly, but by no means leastly, is this gem. This time I’ll just let the headline do the talking:
Dog eats man’s ear after girlfriend bites it off
As ever, if you have any Fantastic Headlines please let me know through the usual channels, and thanks to Richard, John and Charlie for making me aware of some of the headlines I used in this post.